THE CAST: Our environmental control operator Wilderness Security Guide and all the rodents and wildlife in the urban wilderness.
THE BLURB: The creatures of the urban wilderness know where you draw the line between wilderness and civilization we call “home.” In most cases, they know your home better than you do.
The mice, rats, squirrels, skunks, raccoons, birds, and possums of the urban wilderness constantly explore their environment, searching for new and better places to call home. This action (the exploring and looking for better homes) is one of the founding storylines of The Earth Show. We call it: The Wilderness Test.
Wilderness Security Guide believes it’s our job, as human hosts, to make our home territories (what we call Homefronts) safe for our wild creature friends. That means, we don’t offer them any shelter or food unless we mean to offer it to them. Rats don’t speak English. They speak The Action, and it’s hard to translate The Action of leaving an open doorway into your home (or an unused abundant food supply) as anything other than a clear sign of invitation. What else could that mean?
Finding and securing/excluding all the entry holes into our homes is the best/most natural form of rodent/wildlife control. All wild earth creatures understand this process. This is one of ways we humans can participate in The Earth Show if we choose to do so.
THE SERVICE SYNOPSIS: We believe The Earth Show is as much a game as it is a story. That’s why we’re going to go about this service storyline in a sporting way…
WE WILL DO A WILDERNESS TEST ON YOUR HOME FOR FREE IF YOU PASS!
That means, we will inspect the exterior of your home. If we find even one entry hole big enough for a mouse to enter and make their home in your home, then you lose.
But losing isn’t so bad. All that means is, either you pay us $85 for the inspection and we’ll disappear into the wilderness never to be seen again, or you hire us to produce The Preventative Exclusion Service. There’s a good chance that if we find an entry hole, then our wild creature friends have found it too. So see Wilderness Guide’s service storylines for rodents and wildlife for costs.
That said, if you’re wild at heart and you want to produce a true preventative exclusion service then do this at least two weeks before Guide arrives to perform The Wilderness Test >
A) find some cereal, oats, wildlife mix, or birdseed and put it into zip lock bags
B) toss the bags grenade-style into your crawlspace(s) and or attic space(s).
If they’re still untouched by the time we do The Wilderness Test, then Guide will feel confident enough to simply exclude whatever entry holes she finds during The Test.
That means, we’ll only charge you for the exclusion work.
Most people wait until they’re infested to pay attention to their Homefront. Not only that, once they realize their home is infested they feel a fear driven immediate need to strengthen their Homefront ASAP (like now). I call this “the maiden call and hero response.” Trouble is, most of the heroes (waiting melancholically strumming their guitars in the forest) who you can call to respond NOW are only wired to kill the bad guys and save the maiden. In the long run, this classic storyline doesn’t end infestations. It creates them.
In spite of the moral of every action movie you’ve ever watched, trapping/poisoning/killing the bad guys isn’t the best form of pest control. It’s like an action-based drug addiction. The maiden shrieks and calls for the first hero strumming his guitar in the forest, and the hero rushes as fast as he can to kill the bad guys, but nothing in The Earth Show is learned or bettered in The Action of that service.
This service is for humans who want to kick the script and not feed the classic maiden call/hero response storyline.
Humans can build natural Homefronts that keep us and our wild creature friends secure!
Like they say, “fences make good neighbors.”